<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Missing the Sun and the Nights Spent Burning by sakuranomi808</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28213287">Missing the Sun and the Nights Spent Burning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuranomi808/pseuds/sakuranomi808'>sakuranomi808</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Hand Jobs, Infidelity, M/M, Oral Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:06:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,389</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28213287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuranomi808/pseuds/sakuranomi808</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after the end of Supernatural, when Jared and Jensen are trying to figure out who they are to each other now that they are no longer co-workers. Jared is upset that he has to cut his hair for his new role, and Jensen tries to comfort him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Missing the Sun and the Nights Spent Burning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, I had a dream that Jensen was the one who gave Jared his new short haircut, and then this fic happened thanks to some encouragement from fandom friends! This fic hints at a past relationship between J2, though what happens between them here crosses over into infidelity to the wives, so please don't read if that kind of thing bothers you. </p><p>Also, I am notoriously bad at writing dialogue so I apologize in advance for that :P</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been over two weeks since Jensen had seen him, though they did find some reason to talk on the phone nearly every day, and texted almost constantly. But now that they were finally together in person having dinner, Jared seemed utterly distracted and it made Jensen’s heart hurt that he couldn’t tell why. </p><p>“So February, huh?” Jared said as he poked at a piece of lettuce on his plate, pushing it back and forth a few times before finally spearing it with his fork. </p><p>Jensen paused, considering his words carefully before responding. “It’s only four months,” he said. “I’ll be back home before you know it.” </p><p>“Yeah,” Jared said, maybe a little too quickly. “No- I know. I’m sorry. I have about a billion things on my mind right now.” </p><p>“It’s all right,” Jensen tried to assure him. “I mean- I get it.” </p><p>He hated that it was suddenly like this between them -- so weird and awkward -- when just a few weeks ago, they were finishing each other’s sentences, two sides of the same proverbial coin. Had that much changed between them when they’d said goodbye on that bridge? </p><p>“They want me to cut my hair,” Jared blurted out, setting down his fork and leaning forward to bury his face in his hands. </p><p>“They- what?” Jensen blinked, confused and admittedly a little relieved if that’s all that was bothering Jared. </p><p>“I need to cut my hair,” Jared repeated, and then added petulantly, “and I don’t wanna.” </p><p>Jensen was quiet for a few moments, and Jared didn’t say anything either, just stared off into the distance at the line of trees at the edge of the brewery’s property. It was a beautiful day, sunny with just the slight crisp of winter in the air. They were behind the main building at one of the picnic tables, partially hidden beneath a huge oak, nothing surrounding them but the birds singing high up in the trees.</p><p>Alone, but together, the way it’d been for the last fifteen years. </p><p>“Nothing has to change,” Jensen finally said.  </p><p>“Bullshit,” Jared huffed, bringing his eyes back to meet Jensen’s, a sad smile now tugging at his lips. “Everything’s changing, Jen. It already has.” </p><p>In a heartbeat, Jensen was on his feet, circling around to the other side of the table, sliding one leg over the bench to straddle it. “Listen to me, Jay,” he pleaded. “Please. Look at me. Nothing will change between us, not ever. I won’t let it. You’re too important to me.” </p><p>Jared went willingly when Jensen reached out and pulled him into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around Jared’s shoulders, threading his fingers through long, silky hair. As big as he was, Jared somehow always managed to curl himself into Jensen when they hugged, tucking himself against the curve of Jensen’s chest like they were puzzle pieces that didn’t quite fit, but were determined to slot together anyway.</p><p>“Sounds like something Dean Winchester would say,” Jared said, voice muffled against Jensen’s shoulder. He sniffled softly as he pulled away, eyes a little shiny with unshed tears. </p><p>“Yeah,” Jensen scoffed. “Right. Maybe if Dean was fucking his little brother.” </p><p>Jared laughed out loud at that, and Jensen couldn’t help chuckling as well. It was an inside joke between them -- one of about a million different ones -- and probably their favorite. Jensen lived for Jared’s laughter; it was like happiness that he couldn’t quite fit all inside him was bubbling over. Jensen reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Jared's ear, gazing into the beautiful gold-flecked hazel shining back at him. </p><p>“Let me cut it for you,” Jensen said thoughtfully.</p><p>“You don’t have to do that,” Jared replied. His eyes were clear and bright now though, completely contrary to his half-hearted words of protest.</p><p>“I want to,” Jensen shrugged, giving Jared’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Really. C'mon, it’ll be fun.”</p><p>They ended up in the employee lounge where Jensen pushed open the curtains to let the sunlight in, and Jared pulled out a folding chair and set it down in front of the large window overlooking the yard. Jensen looked out absently, his own mind wandering a bit as Jared undid the buttons on the front of his shirt and shrugged out of it, then sat down. </p><p>“Ready?” Jensen asked, smiling slightly as he turned around. </p><p>“As I’ll ever be.” Jared took a deep breath and then gave a smile and a nod. </p><p>Jensen circled around and smoothed his hands through the younger man’s hair, combing through a few errant tangles with his fingers. They both seemed to be holding their breaths through the first sharp snick of the scissors, but then it was over and Jared smiled, and so did Jensen. He licked over his lips and tugged the bottom one between his teeth, forcing himself to concentrate as he carefully trimmed away the longest strands first. </p><p>He could see the outline of their reflection in the window, and it startled him momentarily as a sudden twist of emotion squeezed tight around his heart. Jared was his best friend and the years had proved it; despite the fact that they were sometimes more and sometimes less, they always knew that they could depend on one another no matter what. Were the words that he’d spoken just a few moments ago only empty promises? Would they inevitably drift apart like co-workers often did once they no longer worked together?</p><p>“Maybe I wasn’t ready,” Jared said, startling Jensen from his thoughts.</p><p>“Hmm?” Jensen hummed absently. He carefully brushed a few locks of hair from Jared’s bare shoulder, then smoothed his fingertips across the back of his neck. Stray hairs were sticking to Jared’s shoulders and back where he was starting to perspire, and Jensen instinctively leaned down to blow gently over the heated flesh to try and get them off. </p><p>“To say goodbye. Like, to Sam, I mean,” Jared explained. “It’s silly. Never mind. It’s just hair. Dunno why I’m makin’ such a big deal of it.” </p><p>Jensen set down the scissors for a moment and squeezed both of Jared’s shoulders gently. “It’s not silly,” he said. “I understand. More than anyone else - I understand.” </p><p>“It’s been so long,” Jared sighed quietly. “Too long, maybe.” He brought his hand up to cover one of Jensen’s and squeezed. “There were times when I was one-hundred percent over it - ready to storm in there and tell them all to shove it. But now…I don’t know…” he trailed off, letting his hands drop back down to rest in his lap.</p><p>Jensen picked up the scissors again and focused his attention on the back of Jared’s head, evening out the shorter hair there as well where it tapered off at the nape of his neck. </p><p>“I had nightmares,” Jensen admitted quietly, raising his eyes just briefly to meet Jared’s in the reflection in front of them. “After Sam died that first time. I’d wake up in a cold sweat feeling like my heart was about to pound right out of my chest. Calling out for you- for him, I mean. They went on for a while.” </p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared murmured. “My God, Jen. Why wouldn’t you tell me about something like that?”</p><p>“Didn’t want you to worry,” Jensen shrugged, sniffling softly at the tears biting behind his eyes and the regret heavy in his chest. “I’m sorry. I know I should’ve said something.” </p><p>Jared remained quiet for a few long moments, silently watching Jensen's reflection as he smoothed and snipped, carefully cutting away the last remnants of Jared's long hair. Jensen forced himself to keep breathing despite his heart hammering behind his ribs at the barrage of memories now assaulting his brain. It felt like a dozen lifetimes ago; wasn't supposed to be anything more than a fling -- shouldn't have been, anyway, but he found himself nostalgic for it, and for something else that hadn't even happened yet. </p><p>Exhaling shakily, Jensen tapped Jared's shoulder and managed to say, "All done." He sucked in a startled breath when Jared caught his wrist, and the scissors in his other hand dropped to the floor with a clatter. And then Jared was on his feet, all sense of personal space entirely lost as it often was with him, still clutching Jensen’s wrist as he brought his other hand up to slide across Jensen’s cheek. </p><p>“Jay, stop it, man,” Jensen said evenly, but he didn’t move, couldn’t find it in himself to take a step back like his brain was screaming at him to. “You know we can’t.” </p><p>“You gonna tell me I’m just a kid, that I don’t know what I want?” Jared said, sounding so hurt and angry and sad -- and Jensen couldn’t stand the fact that he was the one doing this to him, not after all this time, not after everything they’d been through.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jared,” Jensen pleaded. “I thought-” </p><p>“I’m not that kid anymore, Jensen. You don’t get to tell me what’s best for me, what I want. What I need.” </p><p>“Please, I’m sorry,” Jensen repeated, shaking his head, tears stinging behind his eyes again. </p><p>“No,” Jared cut in softly, his voice breaking painfully on the single word.</p><p>And then his lips were on Jensen’s, tentative and frightened and so soft and candy-sweet; familiar, even after all this time. Jensen choked on something between a moan and a growl as he pushed forward, dipping his tongue into Jared’s mouth, arms coming up to curl possessively around the taller man’s shoulders. They kissed open-mouthed and needy for a few more moments, Jensen’s hands sliding up to thread through the now short hair at the nape of Jared’s neck. Jensen broke away finally, only to drop his mouth down to latch onto the soft skin under Jared’s jaw, trailing a hungry line of kisses to his Adam’s apple and then down to his collarbone. Predictably, Jared bit back a moan when Jensen dragged his teeth across the heated flesh there and then soothed over the ache with his tongue. </p><p>“Asshole,” Jared choked out. “You know what that does to me.” He wasn’t really angry though; just the opposite, smiling now as he grabbed a hold of Jensen’s hips and walked them both back toward the window. </p><p>Outside, the last few rays of the setting sun were melting into the night, just a few streaks of orange and red burning across the sky as the stars fought hard to take their place. Jensen went willingly when Jared guided him down onto the too-narrow window sill and immediately sank to his knees between Jensen’s legs. Jared’s cheeks were stained pink already and there was a thin sheen of sweat shining on his chest and forehead as he caught Jensen’s eye and slowly -- so slowly - slipped open the button on his jeans and dragged the zipper down. </p><p>Jensen was achingly hard already but Jared still hummed thoughtfully deep in his throat as he curled his fist around the stiff flesh and gave it a good stroke all the way up to the swollen, leaking tip. Jensen’s eyes fell shut and he had to reach up to steady himself against the window pane as he was engulfed by the warm, wet heat of Jared’s mouth. It had literally been years since they’d been together like this, but inexplicably it was as though no time had passed at all. </p><p>Jared was absolutely beautiful like this, with his eyes fluttering shut and his lashes casting shadows high on his cheeks as he worked Jensen’s cock in and out of his mouth. The pleasure was incredible, surging hot through Jensen’s veins, racing up and down his spine like lightning. </p><p>“Jay,” he breathed. “Stop. Stop, I’m too close.” </p><p>With that, he pulled Jared up to his feet and rose up to standing as well, pausing for a moment to drink in the sight of his beautiful boy -- ragged breaths and pupils blown wide, lips all spit-slicked and pink. Jensen licked over his own lips and drew in a shaky breath, his mind swimming with all the things it was too late to say. Instead, he brushed his mouth over Jared’s again, just a whisper-light touch that still sent a fresh rush of arousal blooming under his skin. He dropped his eyes down to the nonexistent space between them and carefully undid Jared’s jeans, peeling away the open flaps and palming over the stiff flesh still trapped behind a layer of sticky cotton. </p><p>Jared gave him a small nod before Jensen could ask the question, and they both reached for one another at the same moment: strong, familiar hands working over hard, aching flesh, chasing after something neither of them had any right to want. Jensen came first, clutching at Jared’s sweat-slicked shoulder as he erupted over Jared’s fist and onto the floor beneath their feet. Before he could talk himself out of it, he dropped down and sucked Jared’s straining length into his mouth, dipping down as far as he could go and then pulling back up just as Jared choked out a broken warning and the first burst of his release pulsed out over Jensen’s tongue. Jensen worked him steadily through it as Jared’s body curled over him, the younger man bracing himself with one hand against the wall beside them and the other on Jensen’s shoulder. </p><p>It was quiet then, so quiet and dark now as the two of them wordlessly straightened out their clothes. Jensen sank down to sit on the windowsill again, his heart still thundering loudly behind his ribs as Jared sat beside him, not an inch of space between them even though the window was at least six feet wide. Setting aside the inevitable conversation they’d need to have about this, Jensen curled one arm around Jared’s shoulder and leaned over to press a chaste kiss to his cheek. </p><p>“You’re gonna be great, you know that, right?” he asked, more statement than question. </p><p>“I mean… I do look pretty hot in cowboy boots,” Jared replied, keeping a straight face for just a moment before a smile tugged at his mouth and his dimples peeked out. </p><p>Jared dropped his head down to rest on Jensen’s shoulder as a comfortable silence stretched between them. </p><p>“Always, Jay,” Jensen murmured against his temple. “I promise.”</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>